One of the most challenging (but freeing!) lessons I’ve learned in leadership, is the art of saying “no” without feeling guilty about it.
If I’m honest it’s daunting and can sometimes feel impossible. Especially when it comes to protecting (and reclaiming) your time, energy and boundaries.
And learning that “no” can be a complete sentence took me a long time to master!
For years, I thought being a good leader meant doing it all: taking on extra projects, showing up for every meeting, and saying “yes” to everything that came my way.
But it wasn’t making me a good leader.
I started to understand that when I was saying “yes” to everything it often meant I was saying “no” to the things that mattered most to me.
Things like the career goals I had, my physical and mental well-being, and ultimately my growth.
Doing the same things wasn’t helping me stretch myself or learn something new. And for me those were the fun bits.
It became even more profound when I hit midlife and became a coach. I began to ask myself: What do I truly want to say “yes” to? What do I need to let go that no longer serves me?
If you’ve ever struggled with overcommitting, doubting your worth, or sacrificing your needs to please others, this guide is for you.
Boundaries are your best friend.
And you can audit the ones you already in place.
Make a list of your current commitments. (And don’t forget those extra things you do like taking on team tasks or working in the evening or at weekends.)
Think about whether your commitments are in line with your values, goals, or your well-being.
Especially if the impact on you is exhaustion, potential burnout or less time with your family.
Then reflect on what you can do about it. Maybe prioritise blocking time for your work, delegating or rotating responsibilities where you can.
Don’t let the guilt win!
It’s hard not to feel guilty about saying no.
Unfortunately for women who’ve been conditioned to put others first it’s pretty common.
Remember:
When you say no to one thing you’re actually saying yes to something else. Like your health, your goals, or friends and family.
Having boundaries teaches others how to respect your time and energy.
When I was the Team Leader for an overnight nursing service, I got into the habit of having my phone on all the time. Which meant that I was answering calls from my nurses in the evenings as they were preparing to go to work, or early in the morning when they were on their way home.
I wasn’t working overnight so it made my days incredibly long and I eventually realised it wasn’t something I could keep doing.
I decided to let my nurses know that I’d be available from 7am, but I’d no longer be answering calls after 6pm.
The first time I shut off my phone at 6pm I was in agonies thinking I was letting my team down. The guilt was very real.
But I’d set clear expectations and I noticed overtime that the nurses initiated more problem-solving rather than asking me first off. A definite win for everyone involved.
Saying “No and…”
If you don’t want to go in with a hard "no" from the off and would prefer to let someone down gently because you genuinely want to help them, it can be hard to know what to say.
Try and work out something in advance such as:
"This sounds like a great project, and I appreciate you thinking of me, but I’m working on XX right now, and I know I don’t have the capacity to do it justice. I can help you with finding someone else if you can’t move the timeframe”
In this way you’re still offering help but making it clear where your boundaries are.
Surround yourself with positive allies.
I’ve found that being surrounded by a supportive community makes it easier to enforce boundaries.
Why? Because they remind you of your worth when self-doubt creeps in.
Doing everything on your own is hard and not as much fun as when you’ve the support of others.
I’ve been lucky I’ve had a few really great mentors and in recent years I also joined several communities of like-minded women who understood the challenges I was going through.
Hearing other women’s stories helped me realise I wasn’t alone in feeling overwhelmed.
Over the years my support networks have given me:
Mentorship and encouragement
Objectivity
Strategies for setting boundaries and saying no
Accountability
New perspectives
Reassurance that I’m not alone when I’ve had to make tough decisions or have difficult conversations
Friendship.
This sense of belonging is an invaluable part of you developing as the leader you want to be.
Permission to put yourself first.
How many times have you pushed through exhaustion because you didn’t want to let others down? (Menopause fatigue anyone!)
Saying “no” to overloading yourself isn’t just about protecting your time.
It also protects your precious energy.
Looking at the bigger picture.
So much of what feels urgent in the moment doesn’t actually matter in the long run.
Learning to let go of the small stuff has been a game-changer for me.
I used to obsess over tiny details, like ironing my bedding or saying yes to every meeting, even when I didn’t need to be there.
Now, I ask myself: Will this matter in six months? Will saying yes help me achieve my bigger goals?
Saying “no” to unnecessary meetings and non-essential commitments gave me space for the things that really mattered to me. Like a trip to Paris to watch the tennis, something I’d wanted to do for ages.
Saying yes is easier than you think.
Being between "yes" and "no" is a bit like a tug of war. You’re pulled towards the things your value (yes) or towards the beliefs you have hold you back (no).
Yet when you start saying “no” to what doesn’t serve you, its amazing what you can say “yes” to.
For me, that’s included:
Developing a new skill (shuffle dancing is still on my list for this year!).
Investing time in a community of women leaders who inspire me daily.
Supporting my clients to set boundaries and build the lives and careers they deserve.
If you’re ready to start saying “no” to what’s holding you back and “yes” to your goals, my signature programme Next Level Leadership is here for you.
You can make this year your year!
Together, we’ll tackle challenges like:
Setting boundaries that stick.
Overcoming the guilt of saying no.
Identifying what truly matters to you. And making it happen.
If you're curious about joining book in time for a quick chat with me to explore if it's a good fit.
We’ll also chat through your career and leadership goals and see how coaching can help you achieve them.
And how it can help you say “yes” to what matters most this year.
Jackie x
How to work with me when you’re ready – or to find out more!
Next Level Leadership Coaching
🔹 Leadership Accelerator: A 6-week sprint to clarify goals, create an action plan & start making bold moves.
🔹 Next-Level Leadership Transformation: A 6- or 12-month deep dive to overcome self-doubt, strengthen leadership skills & map out your next steps.
Team Transformation Training Days: Invest in Team Building and Team Toxins Training to help team members understand and appreciate each other’s differences.
Subscribe to my newsletter: Leadership Unlocked! for insights, tips, and news relating to overcoming your female leadership challenges.
And if we're not connected on LinkedIn please come and find me

Comments